And one last post

Here it is. I’m getting set apart as a missionary tomorrow night. Which most likely means no more internet (and even if it is allowed, I won’t have time!).

So this blog is on a temporary hiatus, until I return from Sweden in a year and a half. However, in about December I will be able to start e-mailing my family every week, and my brother will post some of my e-mails on my special mission blog, Haley’s Mission to Sweden (http://systerhegstrom.wordpress.com).

Check it out. And if you want to write me, my mission address is on the “about” page of both of my blogs.

Vi ses!

T-minus two weeks and counting…

That’s right. Two weeks from today I will be entering the MTC. That’s crazy. I had my farewell on Sunday, which went really well. People definitely pay more attention when you tell relevant stories (which makes the things you’ve learned more personal) and bear your testimony from the heart. I’d like to think that the only people not paying attention were screeching children. Actually, a lot of people couldn’t be there for one reason or another. My best friend Allison’s knee went out (she showed up at my house later in a knee brace…which just shows you how much she loves me ). One person had a migraine (poor kid!). Lots of people were out of town or had a simultaneous commitment they couldn’t get out of. And that’s fine, because a farewell’s not supposed to be some big pageant anyway. It’s just a missionary speaking in church before they leave. It’s nice to know that peoples’ lives will go on without me while I’m gone.

I’m just tying up loose ends—like calling Wells Fargo and telling them I’m going to be in Sweden for a year and a half so they shouldn’t worry when purchases start popping up on my card over there—and gathering a few more bits and bobs from my list. I bought towels on Monday, for example. And today I’m going to Costco to order new glasses and contacts—the contacts for the first time ever except for my trial pair, the glasses with a brand new prescription. I think I’m getting emo-type frames so that’ll be fun. I thought my old glasses were cute when I got them, because I thought they looked like little granny glasses (I must have been the only 18-year-old in the world who thought it’d be cute to look like a grandma), but now they’re just kind of blah. Not to mention the right lens keeps popping out in the occasional mad break for freedom.

I also think I’ve more-or-less got the luggage situation figured out. I’ve decided to use my brother’s old suitcases after all. They’re used-looking, but no worse than brand-new ones would look after a few transfers (with an Elder. I think “normal use” by a Sister and “normal use” by an Elder constitute entirely different things). He left his carry-on behind in England, but those are easier to acquire (in my opinion) than a whole big new set. Cheaper too. We have some laying around the house, and I’m not picky about my luggage matching, so I think it’ll be just fine. As long as I don’t go over the weight limit.

You know, and it still hasn’t really sunk in that I’m leaving so soon, and that I’m going to Sweden, of all places. I think that every time I start to feel excited, I squash it down and go back into denial mode. I wonder why that is. Am I worried about being too excited, so I repress the feeling? And why would that worry me? Do I think it’s too good to be true? Or am I getting swallowed up in fears and worries and stress? Stress, in getting everything ready, fears and worries that something will suddenly come up to not let me go, or that I’ll get out there and go back to my lazy habits and fail?

And yet, as I’m typing all of this, I’m completely, totally calm. More emotion-squashing? Who knows. Jitters have always affected me in weird ways.

T–minus 20 days and counting…

That’s right. In 20 days I will be in the MTC. That’s crazy. I don’t even have luggage yet (yeah, I really need to get cracking on that one).

This week has been a flurry of unproductivity. Well, I went to the temple again on Tuesday and I consider that VERY productive. And I’ll say, I already feel a lot better about it! It wasn’t as scary this time because I actually knew what to expect, and I had some idea what I was doing. And I got to go see the Temple President and ask him all sorts of questions, and that helped too. He was awesome! He told me to come back, because he likes talking about temple stuff. I know that things in the temple are too sacred to mention outside, but inside I love that you can ask questions. It truly is a house of learning, and that furthers my belief that it is a little piece of heaven on earth. I think heaven is the one place where you can ask any question you want and get the full and true answer. It is also a place that never runs out of questions, if that makes sense. Because every answer you get opens up more and more questions (like that saying that it is the truly learned who truly realize how little they know), and you never stop learning! You keep learning and progressing and growing throughout eternity.

I’ve been puttering around and getting all sorts of little things done, but in reality we should be cleaning the house and getting ready for our “not” open house Sunday. I’m speaking on church Sunday (everyone speaks in church just prior to serving a mission and just after returning), and so we’re having food at our house for anyone who wants to stop by and say goodbye to me. We’re not really supposed to have a “farewell” and make a big hullabaloo about me leaving, but it does make sense to have a time when anyone can come to visit and say goodbye, since I’ll be gone for a year and a half. It also seems soon to say goodbye, but next Sunday is the primary program, and the Sunday after that I’ll have already left for Utah, to enter the MTC that Wednesday. It’s funny how things sneak up on you. I think part of it is also because I invited a few nonmembers to come hear me speak, and it seems rude to be like, “well, thanks for coming to see me, you should either go to gospel essentials or go home.” It’s much kinder to say “well, there’s food at my house if you’re interested and you have some time to chat!” Another thing kind of weighing on my mind about the whole matter is I feel like I’m inviting everyone last-minute. But then, I wasn’t given much time between when I got my call and when I’m supposed to report. I remember with my brother it was a few months and he had plenty of time to prepare, and people kind of had advance notice. Oh well. I’m glad I don’t have to wait so long!

I also went and visited some of my old high school teachers this week. They always love to chat, but every year they grow a little more distant, a little less involved in my life (and I in theirs). That’s fine; I mean, that’s the way it’s supposed to be. They nave a new fresh crop of students every year to worry about, and while they’re happy to have made a difference in my life, that time has come and passed and it’s time for new students for them and new teachers for me. It’s not like their entire universe revolves around when one little old student comes back to visit. I guess it’s always just a bit sad to grow up and move on.

And I can’t make a post today without dwelling on the fact that it’s September 11. Has it really been seven years? This day was made Patriot Day, a holiday to remember what happened. But what are we going to do with that memory? What does it really mean? Other holidays are easier. Independence Day you remember the signing of the Declaration of Independence and remember how thankful you are to be an American Citizen and to have the basic freedoms of life. Thanksgiving you remember all sorts of things you’re thankful for, one of those being, once again, living here in America and having religious freedom that the pilgrims came all the way across the Atlantic Ocean for. Christmas is the birth of Christ, wherein we give gifts to each other and remember the one great gift of His sacrifice and Atonement. And so on and so forth. But Patriot Day? I think that what it means to me (and therefore what it should mean to others, of course :p) is a day to remind us that there is ugliness and hate in the world and to make us ask ourselves what we are doing to combat that ugliness and hate. What are we doing to foster peace and understanding, not just with other countries but among our own fellow citizens? It is a day to remind us that diplomacy and discussion and reason will always be more effective and more noble than acts of violence.

Needles!

Knitting update: I finished the cable scarf a couple weeks ago and promptly gave it to Tashina as a birthday present. I also completed another checkerboard scarf, quite like my first one—same yarn and everything—except narrower, and gave it to my mom. See, she coveted the first one I made and kept hoping I’d change my mind about giving it to Allison. But Allison’s birthday came first. Game over. Anyways, now she has her own Haley original to keep her neck warm and fuzzy.

And I have finally started my own scarf with that delicious Inca cotton I bought. It’s got some fat cables and some skinny columns, which I’ve considered making into cables as well, going the opposite direction, but I’m not sure I want to think that hard. My goodness that cotton is soft! Someday I’m going to make me a sweater out of it.

And if all goes well, I’ll go back to Green Planet Yarn tomorrow with a coworker who wants to learn how to knit, and I promised her I’d teach her before I leave on my mission. We’d better get ‘er done soon, because I’m T-minus 30 days and counting!

I also think I might be getting a carpal tunnel flare-up in my left wrist from knitting so much. Well my wrists will get a nice long vacation in Sweden, because I won’t be doing TOO much typing, or piano, or knitting, or guitar. Mama’s got bigger fish to fry!

progress

Have I ever mentioned how much I love WordPress?

See, I am a total dimwit when it comes to computer stuff and internet stuff. So it’s a wonder why I even blog, or try to blog. But WordPress makes everything so easy, and your page still ends up coming out all crisp and clean and professional-looking!

Okay, I am NOT a walking commercial. I have a story of why I’m suddenly gleeful. I set up a second blog tonight (gasp!). And it was surprisingly easy. And there are all these templates you can choose from, designed by different amazing people, and I found the perfect template for my second blog. Soon you’ll see what I mean.

It is my ambition to have a separate blog for my mission. Not that I’ll have too much time to do web design (did I just put “I” and “web design” in the same sentence? Okay, even I will admit that was a little presumptuous) and other blogging things while I’m on my mission—I’ll have more important things to worry about. BUT I’ll most likely get to e-mail home once a week. So what I’m thinking is that I can send some kind of general e-mail out once a week to my brother or another trusty technologically-savvy family member (like my brother), who can then post it on my blog in case there’s anyone out there who wants to read it (yeah Haley, like people actually read this. You’re being presumptuous again. Did you take your anti-presumption pills today?). AND I just discovered that I can add him as a user, so I don’t have to give him my password if I don’t want to (what is he going to do, turn my blog into a shrine dedicated to himself? But the option is out there).

Wow, how cool is the internet? And by the internet, I mean the brilliant inner workings of WordPress (and other blog sites who have probably thought of the same thing).

Do you think if I sing WordPress’s praises enough, they’ll give me free stuff?

Maybe if I had more than three readers

apprehensions

Well I am now back from a two-week trip to Utah. My purposes for going to Utah were threefold: going to my roommate Laura’s wedding, shopping for my mission, and seeing as many friends as possible before I ship out to Sweden. My mom’s purposes were also threefold: helping me shop for my mission, seeing her grandkids Phillip and Maddy, and taking care of her mother, who was just diagnosed a few weeks ago with breast cancer.

Isn’t it interesting how so many things seem to happen at once? All summer I’ve been waiting, waiting, waiting, and then BANG! everything starts going at once. Three of my friends got married within just a few weeks of each other. I got my mission call and had to start preparing right away because I’m leaving in a month. My grandmother has cancer.  And it all gets mixed up in a big ball of emotion that often makes me think I might be getting an ulcer. I have so little time left here at home; what do I do with it? I know that I need to go and I want to go and the Lord wants me to go, but all the same I worry about things I’m leaving behind. People’s lives will move on without me. I’ll come back, expecting everything and everyone to be the same, but they won’t. Who else will get married? Will anyone have children? Will anyone drop out? Will anyone die? I just don’t know. And it scares me. I’ll be changing too, but apart from the rest of everything I know. When you change alongside everyone, you don’t notice their gradual day-to-day changes. But a year and a half is enough time for anything to happen.

It’s bittersweet. Sometimes I have fun predicting who will be married, who will have a baby bump when I come back, where people will end up. And that’s happy. But it’s sad to think of the challenges people I love may have to face, and I won’t be there.

some sad things

Number one: A friend of mine moved away yesterday. I’ve known him for years, but we never really hung out until this summer. Goodbyes are sad.

Number two: No mission call yet! Two weeks and counting…I don’t care where I go, I just wanna know!

At least there are more happy things than sad things in my life right now.

mission thoughts

Well my mission papers are in. In about two weeks, I’ll know where I’m going and when. It’s all vaguely surreal. My papers had been put off for so long, mostly because of health issues, that the prospect of a mission seemed to get further and further away. And now they’re in. They’re done. They’re one hundred percent, totally and completely off my hands. And now all I can do is pray.

People keep asking me where I want to go. I always thought that having a place I want to go is rather ridiculous, because in all the returned missionaries I’ve spoken to, that seems to have a reverse effect, if any, on their mission call. One friend didn’t want to go anywhere cold, and she went to Sweden. One friend said the only place he didn’t want to go was Salt Lake City, and that’s where he was called. I heard of one guy who figured he’d go somewhere Spanish-speaking, because of the plethora of rapidly-growing missions in South America, so he studied Spanish and went on splits with Spanish-speaking missionaries until he was pretty dang fluent in Spanish, and in missionary Spanish to boot. He went to Finland. Even your language study doesn’t always determine where you’ll go. There is a flip side to this coin, however. While in Finland he met a man from South America who only spoke Spanish, and was able to teach him the first lesson. I’ve been studying Swedish at BYU, and have gotten fairly proficient at it. So a lot of people say I’m going to go to Sweden. But every classmate I’ve had in my Swedish classes wanted to go to Sweden, and none of them has. One went to Finland, another to Washington, D.C., another to Hungary (or so I heard), and so on. So I don’t see Sweden being particularly likely. I do, however, believe that wherever I go, something I have learned from taking Swedish–be it the language itself or just some obscure interest I’ve developed as a result–will come in handy in teaching or serving someone, or just brightening someone’s day. I firmly believe that. And while it is my dream to go to Sweden someday, it’s okay if I don’t go there on my mission, because no matter what I’ll go there eventually.

My philosophy has been to not have a place where I don’t want to go, because I would just end up cursing myself as they say. Granted, somewhere in Utah or Idaho might be kind of disappointing, but I know that I would learn to love it. The only places I’ve ever gone that I truly, honestly didn’t like were New York City (Times Square) and Logan, Utah. Both places were smelly. But I’m sure I could even get used to either place if that was where the Lord needed me to be. And really, no offense if you’re from either of those places. I just wasn’t there long enough to get over my first impression. And I don’t believe much in first impressions. You almost always end up learning something about a person or place that makes you understand them so much better and makes you wonder why you ever looked at them askance.

One last thought (and kind of a change of subject) on my mission before I sign off here. This past week I’ve been staying up heinously late every night, not really making up for it during the day, and eating nothing but junk. And it occurred to me today (halfway through the Gilroy Garlic Festival, by the way–but don’t worry, it didn’t ruin my fun ) that if I’m going to be healthy on my mission (because there’s no guaranteeing that my health problems won’t pop up again like daisies), I need to start taking better care of myself now. Junk food is fun every once in a while as a treat, but it certainly shouldn’t be a staple. And, as a previous sufferer of mono, I need my sleep. The easiest way to do that (other than quitting my semi-lucrative job) is to live more moderately and go to bed a little earlier. And hopefully exercise should come into the picture. I’ve never been a health nut, for heaven’s sake, but I’m starting to learn the hard way how to recognize when my body needs more than I’ve been giving it. I could of course just keep praying that I’ll be healthy enough to go, but, as a picture that hung on my grandfather’s office wall for years says:

Just sittin’ and wishin’
won’t change your fate.
The Lord provides the fishin’
but you have to dig the bait.

I…don’t?

Is it just me, or is everyone getting married this summer? I’ve received three invitations, I expect three or four more, at least three people from my home ward already are or will be getting married soon, my brother’s going to a wedding tomorrow for people from his singles ward, and I know a couple more friends who are engaged but who haven’t set a date. And I work at Hallmark, so I’ve seen how many people come in buying wedding cards and wedding presents. Trust me.

I imagine the same number of people have been getting married all along, but it stands out in particular to me this summer. ::shrug:: Maybe I’m just getting to that marriageable age so I have friends who are all that marriageable age, and it’s on my mind so I notice it more, etc. etc. But still. Everyone’s having a party except me, and just for partying’s sake I feel a little left out. Not to say I’m desperate for a mate. I’m still planning to leave on a mission this fall, and a husband would certainly make that a little difficult. I guess I’m worried that when I get back, all my single friends will be married. And as fun as married people are, I’ll have to go out and make new single friends, and that’s always hard to do. This last year was so easy, because I had three roommates who came ready-made to be awesome friends, and two of them had brothers who came ready-made to be awesome friends, and one had a boyfriend who…you get the picture, so it was like a ready-made package of awesome friends for the price of rent. But they’ll all be married and/or graduated by the time I get back to BYU. And that’ll be weird.

And I have a question to ask the universe. I used to wonder why these pretty but ditzy girls got all the dates and I didn’t. And people would always tell me that I was the kind of girl that guys would want to marry, so when guys were ready to get married they’d ask me out, whereas right now they just wanted to date to have fun. Okay, I guess I have a question and a comment. Question: If that is really the case, then how come the ditzy girls are getting married before me? (And just to clarify: not all the girls getting married this summer are ditzy). And comment: That’s stupid. Did it ever occur to guys that us “marriageable” girls just wanted to date for fun too?

I don’t think I’m bitter. And I’m not looking for a date. Or a husband. I guess it’s just something I’ve been thinking about.